You know you've made all the right choices in life when you find yourself slugging back free Gee and Tees, front row centre at a designer dildo runway show. Last Wednesday, it was the posh, white-leathered interiors of Maneo that played backdrop to Bloomnine's exclusive line of erotic brands, creating an atmosphere of willful and jubilant decadence of the very caliber that brought down Imperial Rome.

With the gin fizz from my seventh free drink winkling my nose and another model emerging from behind the partition -- clutching gingerly in her fingers a delightfully frilly, feather-ended dildo no less -- I imagined Shanghai engulfed in flames, subject to the righteous wrath of the Visigoth hordes. It was impossible to resist the onset of a private, self-satisfying shit-eating grin.

There were four models in all, trotting out some 40 dildos to the collective oo's, ah's and oh my's of the about 50 in attendance. A wide range of "exclusive" styles were represented: plucky, little, butt-plugish numbers from the Swedes, pomp and frill from French designers, arty sobriety from the Aussies, serious bits of business from the Koreans, and the centerepiece of the show, a construction of considerable merit and international accolade simply known as "The Cone." But more on that later.

Aye, and there's the rub. Bloomnine's business plan is simple: fill the void. Fill that enormous gap in the Chinese... market. Offer dildos and erotic toys crafted with high quality (non-toxic) materials, using the latest technologies and the most innovative designs. Overeem (who incidentally has a background in glass blowing, come on, how perfect is that) explained that his target market is the modern woman, sexually open-minded and given to attending boozy sex toy parties with a group of girlfriends.

Luckily for us, a member of the SmSh team happened to be a forward-thinking, (post)modern female and could enlighten us all as to the woman's perspective: "Yes, indeed, I would purchase a dildo from this man. They all seem quite handsome actually."

So what about this "Cone" then? Obviously, the standout piece The Cone was, yes, cone-shaped, made of a silicone material and featured two buttons. One button causes the item to vibrate and the second enables this vibration to vary to a dizzying sixteen different settings. Also, when you're jacked into the thing and have it going full tilt, the original "on" button is re-coordinated as "The Orgasm Button," and you're meant to jam on that sucker right when you're about to... you know. Overeem explained that originally the item was intended as an S&M toy but during the testing it was discovered that The Cone just "felt too good." With the exception of your die-hard S&Mers, now The Cone appears to be up everyone's alley - - far, far, far up these alleys - - going on to win international acclaim and accolade. It's even begun outselling "The Rabbit," which as you very well know was a hot little item after being featured on some crap show called "Sex & The City." Here's what Mayfair had to say about The Cone: "It will have you rocking, humping and gyrating like a slag in a nightclub." Like a slag in a nightclub! Very nice.

And it's just in time for Christmas! Do you have a special slag on your list? Head off to the Bloomnine Web site for more product information and ordering info. Their range, priced in the 200rmb to 2000rmb area, encompasses the latest designs from international sex toy manufacturers and they deliver anywhere in Shangers. Also, Bloomnine do parties (in Shanghai and Hangzhou). If you're looking to host a sinful sex toy gathering for yourself and your special lady friends drop an email to party@bloomnine.com with your name, address, phone, number and email and they'll get back to you.